Being a Ninja means always striving for competence.

And being a paragon of competence means taking care of people.

Actually, that’s probably an oversimplification. But for this discussion, lets define competence as “being qualified for a purpose”. It’s a definition I like because it means that if you’re striving for competence, then there is a purpose to it.  And it would seem that if your competence doesn’t provide any outside value, then there isn’t a lot of purpose to it.

The question of how you qualify for this purpose has a circular answer. If being competent means qualifying for a purpose, then you become competent by qualifying yourself.

Which is to say, you will actually come to it faster by beginning to take care of people before you feel competent. It’s one of those weird rules of life. People who have a certain quality can do certain things. But if you want that certain quality, the fastest way to it is to do the things that come with already having it.

If you want to be competent, then assume the roles that competence brings. And a part of that means taking care of people. I do mean your customers, but I also mean your children, your friends, your parents, the woman behind the counter at your local coffeeshop, the babysitter, your boss.

There are good ways and bad ways of taking care of people. Because there are good reasons and there are bad reasons for taking care of people.

Bad reasons are:

• you feel like you owe them
• you’re trying to earn their appreciation
• you’re scared to be accused of selfishness.
• you worry they can’t help themselves

Etcetera. If you already take care of people and these are your reasons, then you will have to begin by taking care of yourself. Before you can really care for people, you will have to address the fears and the lack that make you care by habit and compunction rather than by abundance of spirit. When you take care of people because you are satisfied with your own life and feeling competent to do so, it becomes something you can offer without expectations or fear of let-down. And that easiness of spirit is what makes it a real gift.

Good reasons to take care of people are:

• you believe you have an expertise to offer
• you are determined to leave the world a better place than you found it
• you believe your help will bring them more self-reliance
• you’re having fun doing it

It can be a hard thing to do, and it requires a regular assessment of what will do a situation the most good, whether the situation is ripe for assistance, whether you have overextended yourself and would do more good to pull back.

But it is rewarding. Your competence builds on your practice of taking care of others. Assessing a situation before offering assistance will build your ability to assess situations in times of real crisis. You will learn how to take better care of yourself, how to defuse tense situations, and how to not take someone else’s anger personally.

The first rule about this kind of care (and marketers say this about working sales as well) is to ask questions and listen without offering judgement or quick solutions. It sends the message that you care about the other person’s problems and assessment of the situation and desired outcome more than about your own perceptions and agenda. Even if you do nothing more than ask a lot of questions, this process might be all they need to see their path more clearly. The truth is, you are really offering them your own attitude of competence including your confidence that any problem can be worked through. No matter how great your advice or solutions, they can’t measure up to that peace.

Being a paragon of competence really should mean taking care of people. Doing otherwise is like being an engineer who only designs things to have around his own house or an artist who refuses to part with a single work of art.